Reading List for People in all Stages of Divorce

I have practiced in the area of family law (sometimes considered a euphemism for divorce lawyer) in the Rochester Hills, Michigan area for several years. The following books may be helpful for you to read if you are considering divorce, are in the middle of a divorce, or have just come through a divorce. Probably the most important issues in any divorce is preparation and support. Knowing what to expect from the process of divorce can help alleviate some of the loss and confusion associated with this process.


Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go
by Susan Pease Gadoua

The book includes practical lessons in what needs married couples have and ways to fix problem areas in your relationship. By taking a look at the assumptions and expectations of the relationship with your spouse, you will be in a position to explore the reasons you are thinking about divorce.

Divorce and Money : How to Make the Best Financial Decisions During Divorce
by Violet Woodhouse

This book offers detailed and practical advice on how to look at your finances with a clear mind through this difficult time. Everyone needs to learn the hard facts about their financial future after a divorce.

The Divorce Organizer & Planner
by Brette Sember

This divorce workbook streamlines the process even when enduring a difficult split. You'll find easy to understand planners for everything needed to prepare for the legal, emotional, and financial aspects of your divorce.

Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce
by Emily Doskow, Attorney

The book is well organized and easy to read, without all the legal language getting in the way, but enough to make the information valuable. If you're looking for no-nonsense divorce information, try this book first.

Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way
by M. Gary Neuman

This book is based on the group session for children of divorced parents. In this book you'll find exercises designed to increase communication, understanding, and togetherness between parents and kids. You'll find suggestions on how to break the divorce news to a child, how to handle the holidays, visitation, custody arrangements, anger, discipline, co-parenting, single parenting, overcompensation, sorrow, custody fights, and much more.

Standing on My Own Two Feet: A Child's Affirmation of Love in the Midst of Divorce
by Tamara Schmitz

This book focuses on the preschool to first grader. The main points of this book are unconditional love and not being blamed for the divorce. Because of this book's positive attitude and easy-to-understand message, this book is an excellent choice for young children, and their parents.

Dinosaurs Divorce
by Marc Brown

Sometimes kids can express their feelings better through friendly, recognizable characters. Dinosaurs are beloved by most young kids, so when dinosaur-kids are going through difficult divorce situations, young readers can relate.
How to Parent with Your Ex: Working Together for Your Child's Best Interest
by Brette McWhorter Sember

With simple, commonsense advice, this book gives parents, both custodial and non-custodial, the tools they need to raise their children after a divisive divorce. The book encourages both sides of divorce to understand the other’s point of view. By focusing on the child, both parents are able to form a solid relationship with the child and maintain necessary, positive communication with the ex-spouse.


The Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting Go of Conflict after a Difficult Divorce
by Elizabeth Thayer Ph.D. & Jeffrey Zimmerman Ph.D.

Divorce is painful for everyone involved. However, when couples harbor resentment and anger toward each other, the children suffer even more. Too often arguments over visitation, holiday plans, and simple day-to-day events can send family's into chaos, pain, frustration, and very often acting-out in the child. This guide can help parents work through their conflict and come together for the children.

Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends
by Bruce Fisher

This book is written by a divorce therapist who uses a realistic, but comforting, look at the process of healing after a divorce.  This nineteen-step process walks you through the pain of the aftermath of divorce all the way to recovery. Many people say after they go through the process outlined in the book, they come out feeling better than they ever have.

The above are only some of the many books about divorce, separation and depression that you may find helpful. You should be able to find any of these books at your local library in Oakland County, Michigan.

Divorced Parents and Moving Out of Michigan

Many divorced parents with custody of children are considering moving out of Michigan in order to accept new employment. Many times these parents are required to move out of the state in order to find acceptable employment to support their families. This issue becomes complicated when it involves minor children and the parents share joint legal or physical custody. I recently discussed this issue with a friend whose ex-wife was planning to move from Rochester Hills, Michigan to Ohio.

In cases where the divorced parents share joint legal custody, which is true in almost all cases, any party moving more than 100 miles or out of Michigan, even if less than 100 miles, must obtain court approval before they are allowed to move. This includes the non-custodial parent, so that even if one is not have primary physical custody they must still obtain court approval before they move if they share joint legal custody.

The party that wishes to move, must basically show by a preponderance of the evidence, which in laymen’s terms means, a little more likely than not, that they have met statutory requirements.  This issue becomes even more complicated if the parents share joint physical custody of the child or the court decides that there is an established custodial environment with both parents.

If the parents share joint physical custody of a child, then after the court determines that a parent may move by a preponderance of evidence, the court must then make a decision regarding the change of custody. If the court finds that from the view of the children the move would change the custodial environment, then the court must make a decision regarding a change of custody.

The idea of a custodial environment means that even if the parents do not actually share physical custody the following problems regarding a change of custody may apply if over an appreciable period of time the child looks to both parents for love, affection, guidance and other similar types of parental support.

If the court finds that there is an established custodial environment with both parents as described above, the court will revisit the custody issue and the parent that wants to move must prove that it is in the child’s best interests to change custody by a clear and convincing evidence standard, which is significantly more stringent than the preponderance of evidence standard indicated above.

The best interests of the child is really a list of 11 different factors and a catch all phrase of any other factors that the court deems relevant. This may be very difficult for a parent to prove and if the parent does not, then despite the finding that the above factors have been met allowing the move, the court will change custody of the child to the parent that is not moving. This is true even where the child spent more time at the home of the parent that proposes the move so long as the court finds there is an established custodial environment with both parents. This may not seem fair to a parent that is moving because they cannot find employment, however, the focus is on the children, not the parent that is facing the hardship.

None of the above applies if the parents do not share joint legal custody. Unfortunately this means that if one is going through a divorce and there is a good reason to believe that they will have to move for employment or other reasons, it would be prudent to fight for sole legal custody for the parent that is contemplating such a move.

E-mail, Privacy and Divorce in Rochester Hills, Michigan. Tips for Avoiding Confrontation or Being Charged With a Crime

Reading a spouse’s e-mail and discovering information that might lead to a divorce has been considered a crime in Rochester Hills, Michigan by the Oakland County Prosecutor. An article by L.L. Brasier in the Detroit Free Press, December 28, 2010 reported this issue.


First, to those people that are engaged in some activity or communication of any type (including consulting with a divorce lawyer) of which they do not want their significant others or family members to have knowledge please read the following tips to avoid being discovered by your spouse.

• If you are going to communicate by e-mail, you should make sure to change passwords for the account frequently and not write the password down anywhere that your spouse has access.

• It is not a good idea to post anything negative about your spouse or an affair on Facebook or other social sites for many reasons. One reason is that if you post a comment and then someone that has your spouse as a “friend” in their Facebook account makes a comment about your comment then that will post both to your spouse’s (or ex-spouse’s) Facebook page.

• It is also not a good idea to text someone you do not want your spouse to know that you are contacting, take pictures on your phone of any activity that you do not want your spouse to see or even call someone that you do not want your spouse to know you have contacted. People often leave their mobile communication devices around where their spouse or significant other may have access to it and it is very easy to see what numbers have been called recently and redial any that seem suspicious.

Regarding the case above, I cannot tell you how often in my practice over the last fourteen years that I have heard of one married person reading their spouse’s e-mail, social networking site, mobile phone or even their mail after suspecting that they were having an affair.
In the above case the husband took the issue one step further and provided the letter to father of his wife’s child because the person with whom she was having an affair had reportedly beaten her in front of this child. This passing on of the information to the third party is probably what caused the prosecutor to even consider charging him. If it was merely a case of reading the e-mail and confronting his spouse, then there is really no way that this should have been a charge against him.

As it stands, it still seems somewhat ridiculous for the prosecutor to charge him with a crime, as the two lived together at the time, they both used the laptop computer that he used to obtain access to her email account, and the wife apparently left her passwords for different accounts in an unguarded notebook next to the computer. Further, the prosecutor has apparently charged him under a “hacking statute”, which seems unrelated to domestic relationships.

The temptation when someone has suspicion of extramarital activities to snoop in general or particularly to access the e-mail or Facebook account of their significant others is simply too great, especially where the person knows the password or the password is written down in an accessible spot. Charging this man with a crime really opens a massive can of worms that should be left shut. How many people that have gone through a divorce or are currently going through a divorce where this type of information was used against them are going to be contacting the prosecutor at this point and where does she draw the line?

Finally, if the prosecutor starts prosecuting these types of cases, then there are going to be very many people that are technically breaking the law when they access the e-mail or mobile phone of their spouse, possibly even in inadvertent or relatively innocent cases. For example, your spouse leaves his telephone at home open to his photo album and you look through the album expecting to see some nice pictures of your children, but instead you are confronted of him posing with a woman that you do not know. Does this make you guilty of a crime?

I do not recommend that anyone have an affair, however, it seems foolish to open oneself to this easy exposure by using the mobile telephone for any of the above activities. Think hard before engaging in this type of activity anyway, because the joy one may get from it may be short lasted and the damage that it may cause if discovered can be huge and irreparable. In Rochester Hills Michigan it appears that accessing your spouse’s e-mail or even their mobile phone may not only lead to divorce, but also to criminal charges.

Please visit my website for more information regarding divorce or family law at http://camerongoulding.com/default.aspx


DISCLAIMER: This information is provided for general educational purposes only including answers posted to questions at Ask Cameron. It is not intended to be relied on as legal advice. This information may not have been updated to reflect subsequent changes in the law, if any. Your particular facts and circumstances, and any changes in the law, must be considered to determine appropriate legal advice. Always consult with a competent attorney, licensed in your state, to discuss your particular situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt of it does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship between you and Byers & Goulding, PLC and/or Cameron C. Goulding. Please do not send information to us that you consider confidential without first obtaining:
1. A written statement from us that we represent you (a "retention letter") and
2. Permission from Byers & Goulding, PLC or Cameron C. Goulding to provide
Confidential information to us relating to a particular matter.
This information is not guaranteed to be correct, complete or up-to-date. It should not be relied upon or construed as legal advice. You should not act or elect not to act based upon this information without seeking professional counsel. Byers & Goulding, PLC has its office located in Auburn Hills, Michigan. We do not wish to represent anyone in any state in which this information may not comply with all applicable laws and ethical rules, or to represent anyone with respect to legal matters related to the laws of any state or country in which our lawyers are not admitted to practice law.

Changing Child Visitation (Parenting Time Modification) in Michigan Just Became Easier

Altering child visitation time (technically parenting time modification) just became easier in Michigan. Many judges and friend of the court referees believed that in order for a person to obtain more parenting time with their child or to limit the parenting time of the other party, one had to provide proof equal to that which would be required to change custody. I have long argued that this did not make sense because parenting time and custody are two very different things.


There was really no published Michigan Court of Appeals case or Michigan Supreme Court case that dealt directly with this issue directly. There have been unpublished opinions from the Court of Appeals, however, unless a case is published it is not precedent. What this means is that the trial courts and friend of the court referees do not have to follow what the Court of Appeals has said in a case regarding any given issue unless it is a published case. The Michigan Court of Appeals issued a new published decision on December 3, 2010, Shade v Wright, Mich. App Docket No. 296318 (2010)which held that it should be, and now is due to this case, easier to change the parenting time schedule than it is to alter custody.

This case stated that in order to decrease or increase child visitation with a parent there is a more relaxed burden of proof regarding a change of circumstances or proper cause as a threshold issue than there is with custody. The court went further and stated that normal life changes such as those described above are properly considered when deciding this issue.

In the Wright v Shade case cited above, the change that allowed the mother to change the child’s visitation with the father was that their daughter had started high school and her schedule of activities changed. This is exactly the type of change that trial courts specifically can not consider in order to change custody. Many trial courts and friend of the court referees also believed, before this opinion, that this was exactly the type of change of circumstances that they could not consider in order to allow a change to either increase or limit child visitation. Those courts and referees that believed this were wrong and hopefully they will now follow this case when considering these issues because Wright v Shade is binding precedent.

Children do grow older and as they grow older their relationship with each parent will most likely change as they hopefully grow more independent. As much as it may pain a parent, their own child visitation may have to change to allow the child to find his or her own path which may have the child spend more or less time with either parent despite what the court has previously decided or the parent’s previously agreed. One must also consider that as children grow, they are involved in different activities. As their developmental needs change, both parents must be flexible with their parenting time schedule as much as it may pain the parent.

Cameron C. Goulding; Byers & Goulding, PLC

http://www.northoaklandmichigandivorcelawyer.com/



What are Post Nuptial (Postnuptial) Agreements and are they valid

A post nuptial agreement is basically a prenuptial agreement that a husband and wife prepare and sign after they are married. In my practice, located in Rochester (Auburn Hills), Oakland County, Michigan, I refer to these documents as “midnuptial agreements” because the couple is really signing these agreements during the middle of their marriage when they are not (at least openly) considering imminent divorce or separation. If the couple is contemplating divorce or separation in the immediate future, then that is referred to as a “separation agreement” or “property settlement agreement” and it is advisable to first file a complaint for legal separation (separate maintenance) or divorce before signing such a contract otherwise it may not be valid as discussed below.

It is my opinion that a properly drafted postnuptial agreement is valid in Michigan and will be upheld by the courts. In a 2008 Michigan Court of Appeals case, Wright v Wright, 279 Mich App 291 (2008), the author of the opinion, Judge O’Connell, stated that such agreements were against public policy. However, at the 9th Annual Family Law Institute Seminar on November 12, 2010, Judge O’Connell stated verbally and in his written materials that this was an “oops” and that he was wrong in stating this in such a manner.

In my opinion what this means is that the agreement in the Wright case was not valid because it encouraged the husband to divorce his wife, was written in contemplation of divorce and that the particular agreement in that case was against public policy, not all post nuptial agreements. I have in fact written “midnuptial” agreements which the parties agreed to follow when they divorced which avoided the requirement of litigation.

The basic requirements for post nuptial agreements are the same as prenuptial agreements however there are at least two additional issues one must address. Those two additional issues are:

• consideration or what is given or bargained for to support the contract and make it legally binding and
• the agreement must not be made in contemplation of divorce, (whereas a prenup must be made in contemplation of marriage).

For any contract to be valid and legally binding, there must be consideration, in the example of an employment contract, one party agrees to work for the other and the other party agrees to pay the worker for that work, this is called consideration. In a prenuptial the consideration is the exchanged promise to marry, each person is promising to marry the other and this exchange of promises is the consideration to support the contract. In the post nuptial agreement, the person that prepares the contract must state in the document the consideration that will support it and make it legally binding.

The promises exchanged cannot be for one party not to file divorce, leave the marital home or stay in the marriage. The family law attorney drafting the agreement should write the agreement very carefully and indicate that the intent of the parties is to enter into an amicable settlement of property issues and not to contemplate or facilitate divorce or separation. If a jduge believes that the intent of the contract was to facilitate imminent divorce or separation that is against public policy in Michigan and the written agreement will not be upheld by the court. This does not mean that the agreement cannot discuss divorce or separation, again however, the divorce lawyer writing or drafting the agreement must be very careful to avoid the appearance that the agreement would encourage one of the people to file for divorce or facilitate the couple’s separation.

A postnuptial agreement will be reviewed by the court under a fair and equitable standard which is a legal term of art and involves procedure as discussed below and it should not be taken literally. While a separation agreement or property settlement agreement are reviewed under general contract principles which means in most cases that even if it is not fair at all to one party, it is still binding so long as procedural requirements are met.

• the other requirements (which are the same for both prenuptials and post nuptials) for a valid and binding “midnuptial” (or prenup) are:
• the agreement cannot be obtained through fraud, duress or mistake,
• the agreement cannot be unconscionable/unfair when signed,
• the facts and circumstances cannot have changed so much in an unforeseeable way since the date it was signed that it would be unfair and unreasonable to enforce it,
• both parties must enter into the agreement voluntarily and
• both parties must disclose all assets and facts before signing the agreement.

The above factors include terms which are legal terms of art and include procedure and legal definitions so they do not necessarily mean what they would in the common usage of our language, particularly with regard to “fairness” and “foreseeable”. The above five factors are complicated and are a separate topic in among themselves.

If the family law attorney or divorce lawyer carefully drafts the postnuptial contract then it should be enforceable in Michigan and can be a valid substitute for a prenuptial contract if you did not get one before the marriage.

DISCLAIMER: This information is provided for general educational purposes only including answers posted to questions at Ask Cameron. It is not intended to be relied on as legal advice. This information may not have been updated to reflect subsequent changes in the law, if any. Your particular facts and circumstances, and any changes in the law, must be considered to determine appropriate legal advice. Always consult with a competent attorney, licensed in your state, to discuss your particular situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt of it does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship between you and Byers & Goulding, PLC and/or Cameron C. Goulding. Please do not send information to us that you consider confidential without first obtaining:
1. A written statement from us that we represent you (a "retention letter") and
2. Permission from Byers & Goulding, PLC or Cameron C. Goulding to provide
Confidential information to us relating to a particular matter.
This information is not guaranteed to be correct, complete or up-to-date. It should not be relied upon or construed as legal advice. You should not act or elect not to act based upon this information without seeking professional counsel. Byers & Goulding, PLC has its office located in Auburn Hills, Michigan. We do not wish to represent anyone in any state in which this information may not comply with all applicable laws and ethical rules, or to represent anyone with respect to legal matters related to the laws of any state or country in which our lawyers are not admitted to practice law.

Cheating Husbands and Wives in Oakland County Michigan Divorces

If my husband or wife has “cheated” on me, or has otherwise been unfaithful, will it make a difference in my divorce is a question that many people have when they find out about an affair. The answer, in Oakland County Michigan Family Law Courts or Divorce Courts, is yes and no.


I recently have answered many questions that start with “my wife (or husband) met someone on FaceBook and …” In Michigan, we have no fault divorce, so one does not need to state a reason to get a divorce. The real question seems to be whether one will have an advantage for property settlement, alimony (spousal support) or child custody.

Regarding child custody, it does not seem to make a difference whether one party has been unfaithful during the marriage, unless the new partner has some criminal history or is otherwise dangerous to the children. This is true even though moral fitness of the parents is a factor that the courts must take into account when determining custody.

Regarding property settlement, the court may take into account whether one party has been adulterous. However, most judges do not really want to hear these type of details and the party accusing the other of having an affair, must be very careful not to overemphasis this in court. The judges often take a “chicken or the egg” type approach and assume that both parties have wronged one another at some point during the marriage and that there are many reasons the parties are getting divorce.

Regarding alimony (spousal support), the court may take into account whether one party has had an affair during the marriage. Again, as with property settlement, one must be careful not to get caught up in attempting to punish the other party for this during the divorce. It is one factor that taken together with other factors may make a significant difference, such as the length of the marriage, the parties’ relative incomes and the egregiousness or repetition of the activity. However, judges will generally not attempt to punish one party for this type of activity.

In addition, Judges are very skeptical (as should be most people) of anyone that tries to paint themselves as a complete victim and one’s attorney must be very careful when presenting evidence to avoid this perception. The answer to whether a cheating husband or wife will allow one to get a better settlement then is technically yes, but in reality there are many other factors that courts in Oakland County Michigan consider far more important in a divorce case.

North Oakland Divorce Blog: Abandonment & Divorce – Legally Speaking

North Oakland Divorce Blog: Abandonment & Divorce – Legally Speaking